Peter finds himself going over what he'd said, and how brainless it had been. He knew that Nate had dealt with a lot because of what he could do, and Peter never wanted him to think that Peter thought anything less of him because of what he is.
He trusted that Nate would come home, but it took everything in him not to go after him, to track him down using just that connection to try and find him. Yet he hadn't. Because he respected Nate and his need for space.
There's no spider sense letting him know Nate was home because there was no danger. Just the sound of the door and then Nate there with that soft word.
He took a step closer, a hand lifting and then letting it fall to his side.
"Baby..."
The word is tight, a hint of pain in it, trying to find the right words.
"I love our connection. I wanted it then and now its part of me. It means so much to me. Like you."
"I know," he's quick albeit soft in reassuring the other of that. "It's just..." Sigh on his lips, he stuffs his hands deeper into his pockets, trying to find the words for this.
Taking a second or two for himself, he lets himself rest his weight on his one foot, leaning some to the side a bit.
"Remember when I asked you that one time if it bothered you what I can do?" It's been a couple months or so now, he's fairly certain. "It bothers people. A lot of people, usually. So I guess when you said I was cheating, it just... I don't know. Made me think it bothered you."
Peter fights against the coldness in his chest, about how painful it feels that there feels like there's this massive chasm between them. Such a pain where he feels like there's distance between them that he's never felt before.
He draws his arms over his chest, hugging himself tightly for a moment, fighting the desire to wrap his arms around Nate. It's all he wants and yet he fears the rejection that could come with trying that.
"I'm not. It was a joke, and a bad one and I'm sorry. I can't speak for others, but I know how I feel, Nate. I never want to lose that connection we have. Just being in jail for those days and not having you there was awful."
He can't look away from Nate, staring at him with such heaviness in his eyes and not hiding how pained he is that his words hurt Nate.
Nate doesn't even need to see that heaviness there in Peter's eyes — he can feel it through their connection, never mind his being a telepath.
It makes him sigh — makes him drop his gaze and close his eyes for a moment as he tries to ground himself. It's not that he doesn't want to feel what Peter is right now or be connected with him. It's just he needs to not let himself drown in it and lose what he himself is feeling right now.
"Pete... it's ok." And he's so very earnest when he says that — when he lifts his gaze and looks up to him. "I know you don't mean it like that. Just in the moment... I reacted to it without even thinking about it. I do that sometimes. I get into arguments and stuff with Scott because of it. I guess you could say it's a bad trait of mine."
"You should call me out on it, okay? Because people have treated you like shit for being what you are and I won't be one of them."
Even as he says it he kind of sniffles and moves to step closer though he worries about pushing things, pushing Nate when he might not be ready. His arms fall loosely at his side, wanting to reach out for Nate but stopping himself. Not wanting to push him into something just because Peter is desperate to be close to him.
"You're allowed to react, and you can be upset with what I said. Just know I'm going to apologize if I screw up, and I did. But I truly do appreciate you for what you can do, what it means for us. How much you know I care, but I will still tell you all the time. Because I can."
He has him there, and he can tell him and show him and he will take advantage of that every chance he has until he doesn't.
"I feel like no matter how many times I tell you I know, it's not gonna be enough for you, so. Maybe we should just... move on to something else." It's said with a faint smile on his lips before he lets himself reach out and take Peter's hands in his.
Gently, he pushes the feeling of reassurance through their bond — needing Peter to really feel it.
"If you really want to make it up to me, can I suggest some food maybe?" His body burning up as much energy as it does makes him hungry a lot of the time.
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He trusted that Nate would come home, but it took everything in him not to go after him, to track him down using just that connection to try and find him. Yet he hadn't. Because he respected Nate and his need for space.
There's no spider sense letting him know Nate was home because there was no danger. Just the sound of the door and then Nate there with that soft word.
He took a step closer, a hand lifting and then letting it fall to his side.
"Baby..."
The word is tight, a hint of pain in it, trying to find the right words.
"I love our connection. I wanted it then and now its part of me. It means so much to me. Like you."
no subject
Taking a second or two for himself, he lets himself rest his weight on his one foot, leaning some to the side a bit.
"Remember when I asked you that one time if it bothered you what I can do?" It's been a couple months or so now, he's fairly certain. "It bothers people. A lot of people, usually. So I guess when you said I was cheating, it just... I don't know. Made me think it bothered you."
no subject
He draws his arms over his chest, hugging himself tightly for a moment, fighting the desire to wrap his arms around Nate. It's all he wants and yet he fears the rejection that could come with trying that.
"I'm not. It was a joke, and a bad one and I'm sorry. I can't speak for others, but I know how I feel, Nate. I never want to lose that connection we have. Just being in jail for those days and not having you there was awful."
He can't look away from Nate, staring at him with such heaviness in his eyes and not hiding how pained he is that his words hurt Nate.
no subject
It makes him sigh — makes him drop his gaze and close his eyes for a moment as he tries to ground himself. It's not that he doesn't want to feel what Peter is right now or be connected with him. It's just he needs to not let himself drown in it and lose what he himself is feeling right now.
"Pete... it's ok." And he's so very earnest when he says that — when he lifts his gaze and looks up to him. "I know you don't mean it like that. Just in the moment... I reacted to it without even thinking about it. I do that sometimes. I get into arguments and stuff with Scott because of it. I guess you could say it's a bad trait of mine."
no subject
Even as he says it he kind of sniffles and moves to step closer though he worries about pushing things, pushing Nate when he might not be ready. His arms fall loosely at his side, wanting to reach out for Nate but stopping himself. Not wanting to push him into something just because Peter is desperate to be close to him.
"You're allowed to react, and you can be upset with what I said. Just know I'm going to apologize if I screw up, and I did. But I truly do appreciate you for what you can do, what it means for us. How much you know I care, but I will still tell you all the time. Because I can."
He has him there, and he can tell him and show him and he will take advantage of that every chance he has until he doesn't.
no subject
Gently, he pushes the feeling of reassurance through their bond — needing Peter to really feel it.
"If you really want to make it up to me, can I suggest some food maybe?" His body burning up as much energy as it does makes him hungry a lot of the time.
no subject
He's screwed up some things in huge ways with those he loves, and he hates the idea of doing the same thing with this man in front of him.
Stepping in until he's brushing against Nate, his arms still folded but looser now as he leans into him.
"I can do that. Want me to cook or would you feel safer if I swung out and grabbed something?" Asking that though he smiles, nudging him again.