I won't push for where you are, because you obviously didn't want me to know. Please be safe. If I don't see you by morning, I will come find you unless you tell me not to. I will respect what you want.
Wherever Peter is, Nate will appear there suddenly. Not within his mind this time, no. More that he'd sought him out — felt him out through their connection and, being a little unstable as he is both emotionally and with his powers, he's here a lot quicker than he normally might be.
"I could make a lot of people stop feeling pain, Pete. Shouldn't I? If I can do that? Isn't that the merciful thing to do for all of you?" By just not letting anyone feel anything.
Peter had been about to climb out the window, despite how shaky he feels because of those words. He's dressed in his sweats and tee shirt, but the canisters are strapped to his wrists.
Slowly he lowers himself back inside, staring at Nate with wide eyes.
Wide eyes and he pales as the man he loves go on like that.
"No, no you shouldn't. It's not merciful, it's so wrong. You can't take away their memories, Nate. People deserve to have their memories, even if they hurt. There's nothing that makes me want to forget Gwen. No matter how painful and how hard it is. You would just give up Wade? Really?"
He's hurting and he's scared and he's shaking though he's not aware of it.
"Sometimes we have to hurt, and we have to cope with it and learn to live with the pain."
"How much more, Peter?" As he asks that, his left eye glows that golden light. "Don't you get tired of feeling it? One after the other? Again and again? Isn't that how people just give up? Because I know you feel it, Peter. I know you feel what I feel when I keep losing people here."
Because of their connection, of course. Nate does his best to block Peter from feeling it, but. That initial reaction to when he senses someone else gone... he knows Peter picks up on it, even if he's not always aware of what it is, but. Maybe he does lately, with the number of people that Nate's lost within the past couple months alone.
"Why have all this power if I just continue to let people suffer?"
"Whatever it takes. Because that's what life is, Nate. We live with what happens and we do everything we can to make it better for us and others. Forgetting isn't helping, it's taking away things."
His voice waivers as that eye starts to glow, his arms out at his sides as if to calm him down, but he also has the canisters ready. It's the first time he's been around Nate that he's felt a familiar sensation and having that tingle happen now, because of the man he loves, is one of the worst pains he's ever felt. His eyes sting and his chest aches as he shakes his head.
"You're not your power, Nate, and it's not your choice to take those memories away from others." But he suspects he knows the answer to what comes next from his mouth, hating that he's crying even as he asks it.
"Is that what you want for you? To forget us all? Jean? Scott? Wade?" His voice cracks and he swallows hard, afraid to look away as if this might be his last memories of Nate that he'll never remember if Nate actually does this to him. "Me?"
It's easy for Nate to fall into a more reactive mode — to become unstable with his powers when his emotions override his logic. It's hard for him to separate the two at times... to not want to simply act in the moment — in what he's feeling, but. It's dangerous for a telepath to do that, because of the things they can do.
Like the things Nate is, in a sense, threatening to do.
But it's that connection that they share — that he hasn't severed between them when he could have before coming to see him — on top of the way Peter's voice sounds that has the gold in his eyes dim some and he drops his gaze as he recalls the things he'd experienced with Wade — how he'd been the one to open him up to feeling things with others in the first place, clashing against how much he misses him still.
How much he would miss Peter.
Letting his eyes fall shut, he frowns and Peter might be able to feel an internal struggle of sorts happening within Nate through their connection. As if two sides of himself are arguing with each other. "I didn't even get to give Scott his father's day gift..."
It's almost like having a ringing in one's ears and then it stops. That tingle that he's come to trust with so much, including his life, and then it's gone. In the space of one breath to the next.
"Baby..."
He doesn't even try and stop the tears, and doesn't let himself think about what Nate might do to his memories. He can't stop him and he won't know if he does. Despite the fear and the panic he can't help himself.
He moves in instantly, reaching out for Nate in that moment.
"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry they did this to you."
He hates the idea of Nate going home or leaving this place. He's on a countdown to his death outside of this place. Here he at least won't stay dead. And yet he wonders if he would be happier if he wasn't there, even if it meant losing him.
That only makes him cry more, silent, the tears streaking down his face as his hand lightly touches Nate's arm, hesitant he'll pull away.
He can feel Peter's heartache even without their connection and it has him lifting his gaze as the other man approaches, the glow from his left eye completely fading away to bright blue again. He searches him with that bright blue — searches his face more than his feelings and he watches the way those tears trickle down his cheeks, Peter's hand touching at his arm.
Nate doesn't cry. Rather, he stares to Peter with such a sadness that it's almost close to numb, shutting parts of himself down so as not to lash out unexpectedly and hurt Peter any more than he has already, even if it's emotionally.
That's why he didn't want to see him. Because he knew he would. Because he always reacts.
Even so, letting his eyes fall shut, he digs deep within him — around the various doors he's closing up to keep himself from doing anything, and he finds that piece of warmth within him and pushes it towards Peter... pushes how much he loves and cares for him towards the other as a gentle sort of reassurance in the moment here between them.
"I'm sorry, Pete," words soft as he lets the tips of his fingers trail along the inside of his wrist... as he gently lets himself lean in and press his forehead to Peter's. "Please don't cry..."
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I spent five years mourning, miserable and afraid. Don't be like that, Nate. Don't let it eat you alive.
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I won't push for where you are, because you obviously didn't want me to know. Please be safe.
If I don't see you by morning, I will come find you unless you tell me not to. I will respect what you want.
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What have you ever known of me to not be there for those I love?
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Maybe it would be easier to just not feel.
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I'm coming to find you.
[ He can't even hide the panic and fear he's feeling in that moment to those words. ]
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Don't you dare.
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"I could make a lot of people stop feeling pain, Pete. Shouldn't I? If I can do that? Isn't that the merciful thing to do for all of you?" By just not letting anyone feel anything.
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Slowly he lowers himself back inside, staring at Nate with wide eyes.
Wide eyes and he pales as the man he loves go on like that.
"No, no you shouldn't. It's not merciful, it's so wrong. You can't take away their memories, Nate. People deserve to have their memories, even if they hurt. There's nothing that makes me want to forget Gwen. No matter how painful and how hard it is. You would just give up Wade? Really?"
He's hurting and he's scared and he's shaking though he's not aware of it.
"Sometimes we have to hurt, and we have to cope with it and learn to live with the pain."
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Because of their connection, of course. Nate does his best to block Peter from feeling it, but. That initial reaction to when he senses someone else gone... he knows Peter picks up on it, even if he's not always aware of what it is, but. Maybe he does lately, with the number of people that Nate's lost within the past couple months alone.
"Why have all this power if I just continue to let people suffer?"
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His voice waivers as that eye starts to glow, his arms out at his sides as if to calm him down, but he also has the canisters ready. It's the first time he's been around Nate that he's felt a familiar sensation and having that tingle happen now, because of the man he loves, is one of the worst pains he's ever felt. His eyes sting and his chest aches as he shakes his head.
"You're not your power, Nate, and it's not your choice to take those memories away from others." But he suspects he knows the answer to what comes next from his mouth, hating that he's crying even as he asks it.
"Is that what you want for you? To forget us all? Jean? Scott? Wade?" His voice cracks and he swallows hard, afraid to look away as if this might be his last memories of Nate that he'll never remember if Nate actually does this to him. "Me?"
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Like the things Nate is, in a sense, threatening to do.
But it's that connection that they share — that he hasn't severed between them when he could have before coming to see him — on top of the way Peter's voice sounds that has the gold in his eyes dim some and he drops his gaze as he recalls the things he'd experienced with Wade — how he'd been the one to open him up to feeling things with others in the first place, clashing against how much he misses him still.
How much he would miss Peter.
Letting his eyes fall shut, he frowns and Peter might be able to feel an internal struggle of sorts happening within Nate through their connection. As if two sides of himself are arguing with each other. "I didn't even get to give Scott his father's day gift..."
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"Baby..."
He doesn't even try and stop the tears, and doesn't let himself think about what Nate might do to his memories. He can't stop him and he won't know if he does. Despite the fear and the panic he can't help himself.
He moves in instantly, reaching out for Nate in that moment.
"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry they did this to you."
He hates the idea of Nate going home or leaving this place. He's on a countdown to his death outside of this place. Here he at least won't stay dead. And yet he wonders if he would be happier if he wasn't there, even if it meant losing him.
That only makes him cry more, silent, the tears streaking down his face as his hand lightly touches Nate's arm, hesitant he'll pull away.
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Nate doesn't cry. Rather, he stares to Peter with such a sadness that it's almost close to numb, shutting parts of himself down so as not to lash out unexpectedly and hurt Peter any more than he has already, even if it's emotionally.
That's why he didn't want to see him. Because he knew he would. Because he always reacts.
Even so, letting his eyes fall shut, he digs deep within him — around the various doors he's closing up to keep himself from doing anything, and he finds that piece of warmth within him and pushes it towards Peter... pushes how much he loves and cares for him towards the other as a gentle sort of reassurance in the moment here between them.
"I'm sorry, Pete," words soft as he lets the tips of his fingers trail along the inside of his wrist... as he gently lets himself lean in and press his forehead to Peter's. "Please don't cry..."
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