The things Nate dreams about are vivid in ways he doesn't always experience. Memories— things he wished he had said and done just regrets now. Potential moments lost to him that he can't get back or have again. Maybe. If he can dig down deep enough... if he can find the power to alter everything here...
...no. It's too dangerous. He runs the risk of his powers being the one to control him. It's why he's doing this in the first place. Sleeping. Letting his mind rest so as not to impulsively do anything that might have dire consequences attached to it all.
That might hurt Peter in ways he's not so sure they could fix between them.
So he sleeps. He sleeps and he dreams of things some part of him wants to forget but he can't because he shouldn't. Faces and people and moments that are just to be that now... memories. Like so many others he's lost within the blink of an eye... where he couldn't do anything to stop it.
When he wakes, it's slow and a little after Peter does. Blue eyes blinking lazily as he stares up to the ceiling, feeling the presence of Peter there with him in the bed. Taking a moment to recall everything, he slowly turns his head to look to the other man and, again, he lazily blinks.
The instant he feels Nate stir, he's there fully for him and wholly awake. There's so much he has felt in those moments between being asleep and awake and he just wants to try and offer all he can for Nate.
"The sun's just coming up," he murmurs softly. "So a few hours. Did you rest at all?"
Because there's a feeling there and he's not sure that he truly had slept and he's worried he hadn't truly rested. So he keeps him close and holds him to him as he kisses just beneath his ear.
The words are a lazy sort of mumble, hand coming up to gently touch at his head. It doesn't hurt, thankfully. But he feels... strange. Numb, maybe.
Taking a moment to close his eyes, he lays there like that for a second or two before he slowly lets them open and he stares back up to the ceiling before he lets himself look over to Peter there beside him. His movements are all lazy and tired.
"I kept seeing things... memories. Regrets. It was weird."
"No..." The word is a soft murmur from his lips, bright blue eyes slowly blinking as he looks over to Peter. He can still see it — still feel the way Peter felt when he had slowly been letting his emotions take him over in the moment. How much Peter had hurt at the thought of Nate erasing him from his memories, on top of everything else.
A frown to touch his lips, he presses his cheek into the pillow as he lays there beside the other man then. "I'm sorry. I... I shouldn't have threatened to do that..."
Peter's tried hard not to think about it all night. Just wanting to offer comfort and tenderness in those moments when he's been awake. And now trying to do the same. Trying to help him feel comfort and love and all the things he feels like he can truly offer Nate, things he thinks Nate needs.
"You were upset, Nate. You were hurting. Some part of you thought you were trying to help," he murmurs. "Just... just know that is never something I would want. No matter how much things hurt, I don't want to let go of all I know of you."
His voice tightens and he shifts to wrap his arms around Nate.
Lifting his head some to look up to Peter, the frown he wears is a genuine one, head dropping to rest against Peter's shoulder some. "I don't want to forget you or any of this either..." Words that are soft but honest, fingers gentle in the way they brush over the other man's arm.
"But I wanted to..." Letting himself pull away from Peter some, it's only so that he can lay there on his back — stare up to the ceiling as he goes over what had happened and what he had felt, an arm still draped there against Peter. "...in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to make it all go away. If it hadn't been for you and feeling what you felt... I might have done it. Whatever it took."
That frown tugs hard at his heart and he aches to make things better. Just wanting to hold him closer, keep him near and make sure he's okay. As if he can fix it all and he knows that he can't, but he can offer what he can.
Peter stays where he is, staring at Nate's profile as he speaks.
"I knew you were serious," he whispers softly when Nate said that. "And I wasn't sure you weren't going to. I know it's been awful, but you can't give up. Even when it hurts. Because you lose everything when you do."
He speaks softly, just wanting to try and help, and worrying that in the end it might still end up happening. In one breath to the next, this could be his last moments with Nate and he would lose all of this. Forever. Without knowing he had it.
"I'm sorry..." Words he again gently offers, sincerely meaning them as well.
Shifting there on the bed, he sits himself up, sheets pooling around his waist and he leans back on his arms, looking around their room some. Their room. Something that he would have forgotten — that he would have made Peter forget if he had gone through with his threat. He feels bad now for even considering it. But in the moment? He hadn't cared. He just didn't want to feel anything anymore.
"I don't want to lose everything with you... I'm tired of losing things... losing people." Looking over to Peter then, he frowns again. "Can you forgive me?"
He whispers his name softly, hurting for him. For what he's lost and all he aches for still that this place has taken from him.
He doesn't stop him from sitting up, only moving to watch him. He hates that twinge of fear that Nate will get up and leave in that moment. But he watches him, trusting him despite what they've been through in the last twenty-four hours.
That question though makes him move to sit up, sliding his hand along Nate's arms.
"There's nothing to forgive, but you're forgiven anyway," he whispers softly. "Yeah, it scared me but the emotions that led to it? I get that."
How many times had he wanted to forget everything to forget Gwen's death? He knew those feelings.
He remembers something Scott had said to him when his mother had done things with her own powers— when she had threatened to unleash in ways that would carry consequences with them for so many, and Nate had been the one to try and talk her down; he really is his mother's son in that regard.
"Love me and trust me..."
Because he can't be fixed or— he shouldn't be, that is.
He shifts, moving to sit up himself so he's facing Nate fully. He takes his hands in both of his hands and stares at him intently.
"I trust you. With all my heart. With my life even," he says, giving Nate's hands a squeeze. "I will always love you. No matter what. Even if... even if you tried to make me forget, I know I would still love you."
Maybe it's foolish to say but he believes it. For how deep he can love, he believes it.
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...no. It's too dangerous. He runs the risk of his powers being the one to control him. It's why he's doing this in the first place. Sleeping. Letting his mind rest so as not to impulsively do anything that might have dire consequences attached to it all.
That might hurt Peter in ways he's not so sure they could fix between them.
So he sleeps. He sleeps and he dreams of things some part of him wants to forget but he can't because he shouldn't. Faces and people and moments that are just to be that now... memories. Like so many others he's lost within the blink of an eye... where he couldn't do anything to stop it.
When he wakes, it's slow and a little after Peter does. Blue eyes blinking lazily as he stares up to the ceiling, feeling the presence of Peter there with him in the bed. Taking a moment to recall everything, he slowly turns his head to look to the other man and, again, he lazily blinks.
"How... long have I been asleep?"
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"The sun's just coming up," he murmurs softly. "So a few hours. Did you rest at all?"
Because there's a feeling there and he's not sure that he truly had slept and he's worried he hadn't truly rested. So he keeps him close and holds him to him as he kisses just beneath his ear.
"How do you feel?"
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The words are a lazy sort of mumble, hand coming up to gently touch at his head. It doesn't hurt, thankfully. But he feels... strange. Numb, maybe.
Taking a moment to close his eyes, he lays there like that for a second or two before he slowly lets them open and he stares back up to the ceiling before he lets himself look over to Peter there beside him. His movements are all lazy and tired.
"I kept seeing things... memories. Regrets. It was weird."
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His hand strokes along his arm, over the curve of his chest and letting his palm rest against Nate's heartbeat.
"You're dealing with a lot, and that's not surprising." He can understand nightmares, after all. "Do you need anything I can get for you?"
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A frown to touch his lips, he presses his cheek into the pillow as he lays there beside the other man then. "I'm sorry. I... I shouldn't have threatened to do that..."
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"You were upset, Nate. You were hurting. Some part of you thought you were trying to help," he murmurs. "Just... just know that is never something I would want. No matter how much things hurt, I don't want to let go of all I know of you."
His voice tightens and he shifts to wrap his arms around Nate.
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"But I wanted to..." Letting himself pull away from Peter some, it's only so that he can lay there on his back — stare up to the ceiling as he goes over what had happened and what he had felt, an arm still draped there against Peter. "...in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to make it all go away. If it hadn't been for you and feeling what you felt... I might have done it. Whatever it took."
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Peter stays where he is, staring at Nate's profile as he speaks.
"I knew you were serious," he whispers softly when Nate said that. "And I wasn't sure you weren't going to. I know it's been awful, but you can't give up. Even when it hurts. Because you lose everything when you do."
He speaks softly, just wanting to try and help, and worrying that in the end it might still end up happening. In one breath to the next, this could be his last moments with Nate and he would lose all of this. Forever. Without knowing he had it.
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Shifting there on the bed, he sits himself up, sheets pooling around his waist and he leans back on his arms, looking around their room some. Their room. Something that he would have forgotten — that he would have made Peter forget if he had gone through with his threat. He feels bad now for even considering it. But in the moment? He hadn't cared. He just didn't want to feel anything anymore.
"I don't want to lose everything with you... I'm tired of losing things... losing people." Looking over to Peter then, he frowns again. "Can you forgive me?"
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He whispers his name softly, hurting for him. For what he's lost and all he aches for still that this place has taken from him.
He doesn't stop him from sitting up, only moving to watch him. He hates that twinge of fear that Nate will get up and leave in that moment. But he watches him, trusting him despite what they've been through in the last twenty-four hours.
That question though makes him move to sit up, sliding his hand along Nate's arms.
"There's nothing to forgive, but you're forgiven anyway," he whispers softly. "Yeah, it scared me but the emotions that led to it? I get that."
How many times had he wanted to forget everything to forget Gwen's death? He knew those feelings.
"What can I do to help?"
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"Love me and trust me..."
Because he can't be fixed or— he shouldn't be, that is.
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He shifts, moving to sit up himself so he's facing Nate fully. He takes his hands in both of his hands and stares at him intently.
"I trust you. With all my heart. With my life even," he says, giving Nate's hands a squeeze. "I will always love you. No matter what. Even if... even if you tried to make me forget, I know I would still love you."
Maybe it's foolish to say but he believes it. For how deep he can love, he believes it.