Nate isn't sure how to answer that and it shows in the way those blue eyes of his avert their gaze from the man there before him, even though he still holds his hand. "It's just... different for me."
Everything has been crazy and he's had the horrific echoing of not being there in the right moment to help. Nate isn't dead, but what must it feel like?
So he steps in closer, catching Nate's strong jaw with a delicate touch of his fingers and ducks his head to try and meet his gaze. His fingers give Nate's a squeeze.
"Hey. Talk to me. Okay? I'm here to listen and do whatever I can. Or just listen. Okay?"
Peter's so gentle and patient with him — so willing to help and listen to him that he reminds him some of the Peter Parker he's (finally) met back within the world he's from— well. That he fell into and has been stuck in now, what with his own world gone.
"I'm dying," he says then, lifting his blue eyes up to meet the other's. "Or... burning out, I guess." Sigh on his lips, he shakes his head, hating that he has to tell him this... again. "The madman who made me from Jean and Scott's DNA embedded a sort of... expiry date in my own DNA. I'm too powerful of a weapon to be around and so it's better to get rid of a weapon when you no longer need it than have it laying around to do whatever it wants." It's the best way he can describe it, really. "I'm too powerful for my own body to handle. It's why I pass out or bleed at the nose or feel dizzy after awhile. I... think my losing my telekinesis might be me burning out. The start of it maybe."
He doesn't know what else to say in that moment, stroking his thumb along the line of Nate's cheek. All of his fears and panic from the coma are gone, just wanting to be there for Nate.
"I... No. I don't accept that." It's a ridiculous thing to say but he means it. "You ... No. This place, and everyone in it, and all I've already learned about. There has to be a way to fix it. There has to be a way."
He hates seeing Peter like this... seeing how defeated or panicked he looks, even just in the eyes there. He can tell. He's a telepath still, after all, even without his telekinesis. Smile there faint on his lips, he sighs again and presses his forehead to Peter's. Looking to him.
"Peter," he starts. "I'm telling you because I trust you not to look at me any differently. That you won't think I'm fragile or needing to be saved or whatever. It sucks. It... really fucking sucks. But whatever time I have... I want to spend it doing whatever I can for others. With others. With you."
When Nate's brow rests against his, there's no hesitation as his other hand grips the front of Nate's shirt, holding him tightly close to him like that.
"I'm not looking at your differently. I'm looking at you as...." As someone to be saved. Not because of that but because he has a chance to save someone and not fail them. Yet isn't he setting himself up to fail again?
Was it right to try and do that for himself instead of giving Nate what he wants and needs?
"I'm not agreeing to give up," he whispers softly. He hasn't come to care about someone for the first time since Gwen to just accept they're dying. "But whatever you want and need. Which I would have promised you anyway," he points out.
Eyes falling shut, he blows out a sigh before he slowly nods there, brow still resting against his. "I know," that Peter would do whatever he could for him. "But I also need you to know that even if you can't fix this, it's not your fault." It's something he's had to tell Wade as well. "It's no one's fault but Sinister's for doing this to me. I just have to deal with it in whatever ways I can."
Letting his eyes open then, he tilts his head a little, nosing Peter gently before he brings a hand up to caress at the other man's neck. "Also, I can read your mind, you know." Raising a brow as if trying to tell the other he can't bullshit him, he huffs a soft laugh then.
"Yeah that's asking a lot," he says, which is as honest as he can be, as he's thinking about Gwen and Nate and all of it.
"Then you know," he murmurs, eyes closing at the tenderness of that touch as his hand moves to splay over Nate's chest, feeling the beating of his heart beneath his palm. "That it's not about trying again when I failed. It's about hating the idea of losing you."
He's Peter's first friend in this place. His first crush in this place. Someone he cares about enough that it scares him.
"How about reading this."
His hand slides up, cupping the back of Nate's neck as he leans up to kiss him. Pouring emotions into that kiss of attraction and pain and fear and just thankful for what time they would have here that he's thankful for.
Without any hesitation, lips brush over Peter's and he returns that kiss just as tenderly. Hand slipping away from the other man's neck, the both of them gently grasp at the front of Peter's shirt then as he stands there with him. Kissing him — soaking up every last flicker and flutter of emotion that he can feel from the other man. It makes him smile against Peter's lips — makes him huff a quiet little laugh there before he ducks his head down to nuzzle at the crook of the other man's neck. He's met the Peter of his world — they even become friends and spent Christmas Eve together. This Peter is different in the sense that... he met him first, before the other Peter that he's come to know where he's from and that makes this one right here pretty special to him, something that he hopes the other can pick up on.
"I think I might have an idea what you're trying to say..." Lifting his head up, brow raised again, he smiles, bright blue eyes dropping their gaze to those hands there still at the front of Peter's shirt. "You won't lose me," he says then, looking back up to Peter. "I'm too powerful, remember?"
Peter isn't even thinking about the telepathy in that moment. Just showing Nate how he feels in that moment in the way he presses close to him, the way he kisses him without holding back in the least.
After panicking waking up to Nate in a coma, and worrying about what he might find - he had been right to worry about the latter but he isn't going to worry. He would give almost anything for another few years with Gwen. Even a few weeks... days... And he'll take advantage of the time he has with Nate, and his time in this place.
"That's because you're cheating," he teases, nuzzling just beneath Nate's ear, kissing there tenderly and then alone his jaw. He smiles though as his eyes meet Nate's.
"I know." And he wants to believe that. "I... It feels good to have someone I'm not going to lose."
Someone that he cares about enough to care, and that means a lot to him.
Smile soft on his lips, hands still clutching at the front of the other man's shirt, he nods then, gaze dropping for just a moment before he's looking back up to him with those bright blue eyes of his. "Yeah," words soft, nosing at Peter again. "You're not. I'm right here. Even if it's just in your head." Again, he smiles, this time a little brighter because... see? He's just that good with making everything seem and feel real.
That being said, he presses his forehead to Peter's, eyes closing, and brings a hand up to rest at the other man's neck. Letting him feel how real he is here in his mind like this. "You still gonna like me even though I can't fly anymore?"
"We're together in my head, but this isn't just there," he says back, knowing this is more than just in his head in a non telepathic sense and amused with himself in saying it.
"But I could find you in person and repeat it all if you want," he adds, knowing that the next time he sees Nate he's going to kiss him just as he has here.
He wraps his arms around Nate, pressing in close to him. "I like you for you, not your mutation or ones you don't have. No matter what happens or what you don't have, I like you, Nate. It's been so long since I've felt anything like this, and that's about you."
Letting himself be wrapped up in those arms, the smile he wears is soft and almost a little distant. He doesn't mean for it to be, it's just... did he ever feel like this towards the Peter Parker he knows? The one who'd taken him in for Christmas Eve when he had no one else and no where to go? The one who he bonded with over tragedies they both carry on their shoulders that no one should have to? The one who, eventually, will come to him when he wants to simply end it all? He doesn't know but this Peter... this Peter he feels different things towards, minus the affectionate friendliness.
"You really fell that hard for a guy falling out of the sky?" He jokes, laughter quiet there on his lips before he noses at the other man and pulls back just the teeniest tiniest to look to him better. "Guess you don't have to worry about me doing that anymore. Unless it's on purpose."
He can't help but laugh at that, blushing a bit as he ducks his head before looking back up at Nate. He knows he could just think about it and Nate would know but he wants him to hear it from him.
Even if his heart is racing.
"Yeah, I really did," he admits softly. "And if I can find a way to help, you'll do it again I'm sure. But I'm okay with being grounded with you right here. I just want to stay close to you," he murmurs softly. "And in real time and not just in our minds. I really like this."
Pressing in close to him, stroking his hands along Nate's sides.
"When can we have that? Because you're not hiding from me because of this. Got it?"
It's sweet and funny, in a way. Here, his relationships seem to be with men and back home, they're with women. Women who have used and abandoned him, mind you, but. It's something he's noticed since his waking for a second time. Something he'll maybe think about later to himself.
Smile there on his lips, he lets his gaze drop. "I'm not hiding," it's a bit of a lie. "I'm just... it's a lot. My mom is gone too." At that he sighs, letting himself pull from Peter.
"Before I woke up again, I sort of connected with her and then lost her. Then when I woke up? She's gone from here, so. It's like I lost her twice." And it hurts when he had wanted her as his mother.
Up until that evening when Nate had fallen into a coma, Peter had found himself cautious and hesitant as he found himself with blossoming feelings and a definite crush on Nate. Only one other could he says he's had a crush on since he came to this place - and since Gwen's death - and they were a good friend as well. Then there had been that night, and now they're here and he's learning all he is from Nate.
And there's no desire for hesitation anymore. No desire not to hold him close, stroking his hand on his back as he hears that news as well. Not clinging to him as he draws back, though his hands trace along Nate's arms, not wanting to lose that contact.
"God Nate, I'm so sorry. Where are you? Physically that is?"
He lets Peter touch him - lets him be close to him and offer support through gentle affection. Pressing his lips together, he looks down before he lifts that gaze up to the other man. “On a roof. Just looking out.” He mentally shows Peter where he is within the city - how he’s sitting there on the ledge with feet dangling over the side, wind gently brushing his hair in front of his face.
“I’m ok. You don’t need to.” Yet there’s also some part of him that won’t say no.
The kiss makes him smile a little and he just nods, brushing hair out of his face as he does. “Not going anywhere. Not like I can fly off anyways.” And he sort of hates that. But he’ll be there. As he is. Sitting on the ledge of the high rise.
With that though, he slips away from Peter and leaves his thoughts, disappearing to leave the other there by himself.
"Not funny," he mutters, but he watches as Nate vanishes from his sight and therefor his mind. A moment later he's rousing himself and heading out.
Heading out the window, it doesn't take him long to find the view that he'd seen from Nate's mind. Yet he doesn't land there directly. Not wanting to swing into view when Nate can't fly and he isn't going to make things harder for him. So he lands a bit behind him, leaping from one roof to the one where Nate is and coming over to settle in where he is.
He hesitates, only for a second, and then he shifts his hand to take Nate's hand in his. "I'm sorry."
Even before Peter lands there with him, he feels him. While he may be without his telekinesis, he's still a telepath and if he loses that next? He doesn't know what he'll do.
When he comes in beside him - when he goes and takes his hand into his own, Nate's fingers curl into a bit of a fist and he sighs, looking out ahead still.
"Yeah, me too." Swallowing, he rests his head there on the other man's shoulder and just sits with him like that. A gentle way of showing that he's glad he's here, even if he said he didn't need to be.
Peter knows there's not much he can do for Nate. At least at his level of knowledge. Yet he can offer this. He can be there for him, and offer comfort. He can show him he's not alone. He's got Peter and he's got Wade.
"Eventually I'm going to want to talk to you about the science side of this and what I can do to try and undo whatever this asshole did to you but not right now, I'm just here for you," he whispers softly.
He's not so sure there's anything that can be done. How do you remove something from someone's DNA? Seems impossible, even for a telepath like himself to do. Still, he can't help but smile a little at how stubborn the other man is.
"I'm glad you're here." The words are soft, fingers tightening some in their grip on the other man's hand. Just sitting there with him, head still to his shoulder. "I just... I don't know. Feels quieter sometimes when I'm up here." He's sure he's told Peter this before. Even if he can't be as high as he'd like to be.
His thumb strokes over Nate's hand, trying not to think about it all. Trying not to think about how much it hurts. So instead stroking his fingers along the back of his hand, lightly resting his cheek against Nate's hair. It's enough to have this. At least for right now.
"I'm always going to be here as long as this place lets me. Okay?"
Even as he says the words, he realizes how much he means them. Whatever Nate needs, he's going to do his best to be there for him.
"Naw, I get that. Being above the city, away from the people and the lights and the noise, I get it." He gives Nate's hand a squeeze. "And we can stay up here as long as we want."
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So he steps in closer, catching Nate's strong jaw with a delicate touch of his fingers and ducks his head to try and meet his gaze. His fingers give Nate's a squeeze.
"Hey. Talk to me. Okay? I'm here to listen and do whatever I can. Or just listen. Okay?"
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"I'm dying," he says then, lifting his blue eyes up to meet the other's. "Or... burning out, I guess." Sigh on his lips, he shakes his head, hating that he has to tell him this... again. "The madman who made me from Jean and Scott's DNA embedded a sort of... expiry date in my own DNA. I'm too powerful of a weapon to be around and so it's better to get rid of a weapon when you no longer need it than have it laying around to do whatever it wants." It's the best way he can describe it, really. "I'm too powerful for my own body to handle. It's why I pass out or bleed at the nose or feel dizzy after awhile. I... think my losing my telekinesis might be me burning out. The start of it maybe."
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"Oh."
He doesn't know what else to say in that moment, stroking his thumb along the line of Nate's cheek. All of his fears and panic from the coma are gone, just wanting to be there for Nate.
"I... No. I don't accept that." It's a ridiculous thing to say but he means it. "You ... No. This place, and everyone in it, and all I've already learned about. There has to be a way to fix it. There has to be a way."
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"Peter," he starts. "I'm telling you because I trust you not to look at me any differently. That you won't think I'm fragile or needing to be saved or whatever. It sucks. It... really fucking sucks. But whatever time I have... I want to spend it doing whatever I can for others. With others. With you."
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"I'm not looking at your differently. I'm looking at you as...." As someone to be saved. Not because of that but because he has a chance to save someone and not fail them. Yet isn't he setting himself up to fail again?
Was it right to try and do that for himself instead of giving Nate what he wants and needs?
"I'm not agreeing to give up," he whispers softly. He hasn't come to care about someone for the first time since Gwen to just accept they're dying. "But whatever you want and need. Which I would have promised you anyway," he points out.
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Letting his eyes open then, he tilts his head a little, nosing Peter gently before he brings a hand up to caress at the other man's neck. "Also, I can read your mind, you know." Raising a brow as if trying to tell the other he can't bullshit him, he huffs a soft laugh then.
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"Then you know," he murmurs, eyes closing at the tenderness of that touch as his hand moves to splay over Nate's chest, feeling the beating of his heart beneath his palm. "That it's not about trying again when I failed. It's about hating the idea of losing you."
He's Peter's first friend in this place. His first crush in this place. Someone he cares about enough that it scares him.
"How about reading this."
His hand slides up, cupping the back of Nate's neck as he leans up to kiss him. Pouring emotions into that kiss of attraction and pain and fear and just thankful for what time they would have here that he's thankful for.
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"I think I might have an idea what you're trying to say..." Lifting his head up, brow raised again, he smiles, bright blue eyes dropping their gaze to those hands there still at the front of Peter's shirt. "You won't lose me," he says then, looking back up to Peter. "I'm too powerful, remember?"
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After panicking waking up to Nate in a coma, and worrying about what he might find - he had been right to worry about the latter but he isn't going to worry. He would give almost anything for another few years with Gwen. Even a few weeks... days... And he'll take advantage of the time he has with Nate, and his time in this place.
"That's because you're cheating," he teases, nuzzling just beneath Nate's ear, kissing there tenderly and then alone his jaw. He smiles though as his eyes meet Nate's.
"I know." And he wants to believe that. "I... It feels good to have someone I'm not going to lose."
Someone that he cares about enough to care, and that means a lot to him.
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That being said, he presses his forehead to Peter's, eyes closing, and brings a hand up to rest at the other man's neck. Letting him feel how real he is here in his mind like this. "You still gonna like me even though I can't fly anymore?"
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"But I could find you in person and repeat it all if you want," he adds, knowing that the next time he sees Nate he's going to kiss him just as he has here.
He wraps his arms around Nate, pressing in close to him. "I like you for you, not your mutation or ones you don't have. No matter what happens or what you don't have, I like you, Nate. It's been so long since I've felt anything like this, and that's about you."
cw: brief mention of suicide ideation
"You really fell that hard for a guy falling out of the sky?" He jokes, laughter quiet there on his lips before he noses at the other man and pulls back just the teeniest tiniest to look to him better. "Guess you don't have to worry about me doing that anymore. Unless it's on purpose."
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Even if his heart is racing.
"Yeah, I really did," he admits softly. "And if I can find a way to help, you'll do it again I'm sure. But I'm okay with being grounded with you right here. I just want to stay close to you," he murmurs softly. "And in real time and not just in our minds. I really like this."
Pressing in close to him, stroking his hands along Nate's sides.
"When can we have that? Because you're not hiding from me because of this. Got it?"
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Smile there on his lips, he lets his gaze drop. "I'm not hiding," it's a bit of a lie. "I'm just... it's a lot. My mom is gone too." At that he sighs, letting himself pull from Peter.
"Before I woke up again, I sort of connected with her and then lost her. Then when I woke up? She's gone from here, so. It's like I lost her twice." And it hurts when he had wanted her as his mother.
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And there's no desire for hesitation anymore. No desire not to hold him close, stroking his hand on his back as he hears that news as well. Not clinging to him as he draws back, though his hands trace along Nate's arms, not wanting to lose that contact.
"God Nate, I'm so sorry. Where are you? Physically that is?"
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“I’m ok. You don’t need to.” Yet there’s also some part of him that won’t say no.
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He's thinking about that view, of what he knows of the city and where Nate is in this moment. He leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth tenderly.
"I'll there in a few minutes. Don't leave."
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With that though, he slips away from Peter and leaves his thoughts, disappearing to leave the other there by himself.
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Heading out the window, it doesn't take him long to find the view that he'd seen from Nate's mind. Yet he doesn't land there directly. Not wanting to swing into view when Nate can't fly and he isn't going to make things harder for him. So he lands a bit behind him, leaping from one roof to the one where Nate is and coming over to settle in where he is.
He hesitates, only for a second, and then he shifts his hand to take Nate's hand in his. "I'm sorry."
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When he comes in beside him - when he goes and takes his hand into his own, Nate's fingers curl into a bit of a fist and he sighs, looking out ahead still.
"Yeah, me too." Swallowing, he rests his head there on the other man's shoulder and just sits with him like that. A gentle way of showing that he's glad he's here, even if he said he didn't need to be.
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"Eventually I'm going to want to talk to you about the science side of this and what I can do to try and undo whatever this asshole did to you but not right now, I'm just here for you," he whispers softly.
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"I'm glad you're here." The words are soft, fingers tightening some in their grip on the other man's hand. Just sitting there with him, head still to his shoulder. "I just... I don't know. Feels quieter sometimes when I'm up here." He's sure he's told Peter this before. Even if he can't be as high as he'd like to be.
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"I'm always going to be here as long as this place lets me. Okay?"
Even as he says the words, he realizes how much he means them. Whatever Nate needs, he's going to do his best to be there for him.
"Naw, I get that. Being above the city, away from the people and the lights and the noise, I get it." He gives Nate's hand a squeeze. "And we can stay up here as long as we want."